Do you ever want to scream at a loved one saying, “after everything I do or have done for you, you treat me like this?” Have you ever been in a position to do something for a loved one and you hesitate not because you don’t want to help them but because you know they would not appreciate it? Do you ever find yourself thinking of detaching yourself from a loved one because it hurts to pour all of yourself into caring for them and get nothing in return? Do you ever want to stop doing so great at work because while you are mostly covering the asses of people who are defaulting, and adding value to the company, you are unnoticed? If these questions struck you, then you are feeling unappreciated and that is right, but it is not okay.
It Is Not Okay to Feel Unappreciated
It is right to feel unappreciated when you are unappreciated, but it is not okay to feel that way because that feeling comes with a lot of pain – the pain you would rather do without. There are a lot of terrible feelings that can plague humans, such as feeling unloved, feeling underestimated, feeling rejected, and many others. However, one of the worst feelings is feeling unappreciated. Feeling unappreciated is one of the worst feelings because it is never a feeling that stems as a result of being around strange people. It is a feeling that stems from being around people you are familiar with, either family or work. The hurt never goes away. It just keeps growing and growing until one day, you are overwhelmed by the bad feelings and hurt you cannot shake. When you start feeling this way, you begin to detach from the people who make you feel this way. This can include a family member, friend, spouse, or child. It can also be your colleagues at work or your boss. This feeling of not being appreciated enough can only come from putting care, resources, and emotions into something or someone. When you are investing emotions and resources into certain people and they turn around and are not appreciative of your kind gesture, this feels like a stab to the heart. You are doing everything possible to make your family and friends comfortable. To make them feel better only for them to be ungrateful – that is one hell of a betrayal. You should never have to regret things you did for love. Feeling unappreciated can get you to that point. If you ever have to regret the things you did for love, then that love was not worth it, and it does not matter who that love was shown to. We all want to feel appreciated because we deserve credit for all the good we do for our loved ones. However, when these appreciations do not come, we feel like we did not do things right. First of all, wipe that feeling from your mind. You did everything right. They are the ones who don’t know what they have and what they stand to lose, should you walk away. Again, it is right to feel unappreciated. But if you would want to move forward in life, it might be time to let go of that feeling and the pain that comes with it.
7 Ways to Get Rid of Feeling Unappreciated
Here are 7 ways you can get rid of that awful feeling of being unappreciated and be happier in life.
1. Do Things for Yourself
A meme says “One day, you will tell people you did everything for them, and they will tell you they never asked you and they would be right.” The hard truth is that these people whom you are moving mountains and breaking boundaries for never asked you to do it for them. You did it because deep inside your heart, it felt right. You may be working super hard and doing all the right things at work but if you are doing them just to get noticed, you are doing it all wrong. When you do things for yourself, you feel better. You may be wondering why you have to work harder and carry the whole team on your back for yourself at work. You are helping yourself grow and pushing your career further by doing just that. You may also be wondering why you have to do things for your family members when they do not appreciate it. But you are simply positioning yourself for the universe to be kinder. There is an unspoken rule about doing things for oneself, and it goes, “If you do not feel right about it, do not do it.”
2. Appreciate Yourself
There is a funny Nigerian adage about the Lizard. It goes, “The lizard nods every time it takes a huge jump because it says to itself ‘If nobody appreciates me, I will appreciate myself’.” Whenever you finish that huge task at work, do not wait for someone to tell you, “Hey Katie, you did well” or “Hey, Daniel, that was a great one.” Simply take yourself to KFC, and buy yourself a small bucket of chicken. Eat it all up and celebrate your small wins. You can also buy a good bottle of wine, play some music, and drink a glass of it. You have done great; give yourself a treat because you deserve it. You cannot keep waiting for people to treat you better. Treat yourself better first. Someone once said, “You are the first example of what loving you should look like.” Of course! You are the first example of what appreciating you should look like. When people see that you appreciate yourself to the max, they had better do better when they want to appreciate you. They have seen at this point that you do not care much for their appreciation and that you can do right by yourself.
3. Be Appreciative of Others
It might be easy to want to treat people in the way that you have been treated; it is tempting really. Why should you be appreciative when you are grossly unappreciated? But there is a rule good people go by, and it is “always do unto others as you would want to be done unto you.” Always live your life by this directive. The reason people are unappreciative of you is that they do not live their life by this directive. They expect good things, but they do not show forth this good. Set an example. Be the difference they are too distracted to be. Be the bigger, better person, and say your thank you’s with all the appreciation you can muster. You are not them, and they are not you. you should never let people who do not know better influence you and make you tilt to their direction. Forget the “If you cannot beat them, join them” rule, and move on to “if you cannot beat them, teach them”. Children learn to say thank you from their parents, then go on to replicate this good behavior. Gratitude and appreciation are the habits of a decent human. Be a decent human.
4. Keep in Mind That Life Is Not Fair
Darling, life is not fair. You will be taken for granted, and you will be hurt. All of these things are how mother nature balances herself. There’s good and bad and sometimes, you might be on the bad side of the balance. It hurts to think that you are sending out good and not getting that in return. Oh, it hurts. But when you realize that life happens and that it is not always fair, it will create a soft landing. The song, ‘forever young’ has a line that says “Hoping for the best, yet expecting the worst”. That is how you should see life. Be optimistic that great things will happen, but have it at the back of your mind that crazy things will happen too. Be optimistic that people will appreciate you, but also keep it at the back of your mind that people may not be appreciative. When you can do this consistently, you will feel good when you are appreciated, but you also would not feel bad when you aren’t. You came prepared.
5. Focus on the Good Only
The baggage that comes with feeling unappreciated is depression. And this can only happen if you keep brooding in the dark paths that you need to come out from. If you keep thinking of all you deserve and how you are not getting it, you would get sadder and sadder until you are locked up in your room, snuggled up in bed, hugging your pillow, and hating your life. Did you get taken for granted? It is life. It is not all peaches and roses. Look on the bright side. Look at all you have achieved when you were doing the things you were not appreciated for. See all the giant strides that have been taken. Focus on them, they are all you need to keep your mind on. You do not need to keep your mind on anything else. Someone who is constantly staring at the light will find it hard to notice that there is darkness all around them. Be that person. Focus on the good and the good alone, and let the bad slide right off your shoulder like raindrops on a rock. Do not dwell on it. No one and nothing is worth your sanity. Focusing on the good will help you retain your sanity and fight to retain it.
6. See the Importance of What You Do and Relish It
So, they do not see the importance of what you do. Well, they need an optician and until they get one, be selfish with your foresight. See the importance of what you do, and understand how important you are. your boss may not know it but if you leave the office today, the company will feel it. Your friend may not know it, but if you walk out of their life today, they will be a mess. See the importance of the fact that for the single reason of your existence in their lives and your workplace, everything is okay. You are the glue that holds it all together – the linchpin. When you do not get appreciated, simply roll your eyes and say “humans never appreciate the presence of good energy.” A saying goes, “A good person is never respected in his or her village.” They do not know what they have, but you do. Revel in the knowledge, and never let anything or anyone make you feel lesser. You are important, very important. They would need to focus to see it. Until then, walk with your shoulders held high.
7. Be Confident
Another thing that feeling unappreciated does to you is make you feel small, which makes you lose confidence. You may think, “if they can’t see all the work I’m doing to make life easier for everyone, then they do not even know that I exist.” Then, you begin to shrink into your shell and avoid conversations and people. Hey! That is pitiful and pathetic, and it is not you. Ditch that mentality immediately and begin to walk in confidence. Who said no one sees what you do? Do you not see what you do? Are you counting yourself as unimportant? Do not shrink, lose your fire, nor lose your confidence. Stand tall, chin up, and shoulders high. Maintain your confidence. Stay on top of your game.
Final Thoughts
Feeling unappreciated is a horrible thing. No one should ever have to feel that way. But as aforementioned, life happens, and humans will always be humans. People will take you for granted once or twice, and this is why these I listed these 7 ways for you to get out of the pain that comes with feeling unappreciated. You are worth more than you think you are. If they do not see it, you should.
More on Dealing With Pain
5 Ways to Deal With Hardship and Pain in Life Why Rejection Hurts So Bad – And How To Overcome The Pain Why an Attitude of Gratitude Is Essential (And How to Develop It)
Featured photo credit: Andrew Le via unsplash.com
